Most of my life I lived in anger and resentment of things that I
could not control. Many different times in my life I burst out in anger
towards another person. Many times I became angry at others for things
that were my fault or things that were really not the fault of anyone, but they
were simply the result of consequences beyond anyone's control. I would
sit and putrefy in my anger: letting it grow and grow until there was nowhere
for it to go but to the people that I loved.
I pushed many people away from me during this time
period, as I did not want to risk being hurt anymore. I was afraid to get
close with people and tell them how I really felt. My ability to love was
subverted by my anger, and I became the guy that never returns calls, and never
comes over to visit.
It wasn't until I lost some friends and family
that I truly loved that I admitted to myself that I had a problem. I was
trying to control EVERYTHING! It would be like driving down the
interstate at One-Hundred and Ten Miles Per Hour and trying to control every
single car around me by remote. THAT would be more likely than changing
the personality or feelings of another Human!
After reading a good bit, doing some soul
searching, and attending a few seminars I discovered what was going on in my
head. I wasn't able to calm down because I was harboring anger towards
people for things that they had not done, or things that only affected me if I
let them. I learned that I get
to control my attitude about life, I get to decide how I am
going to react to things, and I get to perceive life how I choose
to perceive it.
Contrary to popular belief, I feel that the
little things that people do that seem to affect you actually don't matter. It doesn't matter if
Joe Schmoe is cursing at you in the rear view mirror (hopefully you aren't
going 110MPH!) It doesn't matter if your store is out of a certain
product brand that you like. It doesn't matter if the person at the drive
through is rude. It doesn't matter if the people you are buying a product
from are non supportive. It doesn't matter if your father seems to
disapprove of your life. I say these things don't matter, but these
are all things that I have become upset or mad about in the past. Note: I
said that I became upset about them, not that they upset me.
Many of my posts may contain my own life
experiences, or they may contain the experience of others. I may blog
about current events and how they relate to living a peaceful life, or the
struggle they present. I may write about my faith and belief structure at
times as well, but the overall goal of this blog is to help spread Love and
Peace throughout the world. If I can present just one person with the
same gifts that others showed me, then maybe I can leave this world just
a little bit better than I found it. <=That is MY Goal in life.
